Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
