i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
