God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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