Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
