i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
