I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
