Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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