I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
