I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
