ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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