I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
