I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
