he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
