How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
