my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
