so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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