I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just had sex on a roof
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
