Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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