Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
