oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
