Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
