Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
