alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
