i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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