i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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