suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
