You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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