My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I enjoy the company of your penis
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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