I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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