Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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