Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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