I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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