The maid of honor just puked.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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