i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
