marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades