A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???