The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
