I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.