So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.