Texts From Last Night

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  (727): View more from Florida

  Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus

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  (727): Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus http://tfl.nu/l3dr
  Replies (17) Good night (3006) Bad night (829)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis

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  (952): i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis http://tfl.nu/alsr
  Replies (18) Good night (3285) Bad night (977)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant

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  (202): She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week (1-202): stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant http://tfl.nu/5f4w
  Replies (63) Good night (3835) Bad night (1431)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.

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  (719): I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate. http://tfl.nu/7wm8
  Replies (7) Good night (1240) Bad night (2984)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich

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  (605): I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich http://tfl.nu/py2d
  Replies (23) Good night (4083) Bad night (1414)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"

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  (570): How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks" http://tfl.nu/r0yt
  Replies (26) Good night (6596) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.

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  (732): Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home. http://tfl.nu/palx
  Replies (2) Good night (3010) Bad night (887)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought

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  (816): Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought http://tfl.nu/gjm9
  Replies (9) Good night (766) Bad night (3042)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...

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  (803): He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not... http://tfl.nu/qcdb
  Replies (13) Good night (1779) Bad night (3157)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.

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  (970): She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/2nbx
  Replies (12) Good night (909) Bad night (2657)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him

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  (859): I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him http://tfl.nu/eehd
  Replies (10) Good night (1242) Bad night (542)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.

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  (631): I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice. http://tfl.nu/lrh1
  Replies (6) Good night (1161) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.

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  (701): You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole. http://tfl.nu/p45w
  Replies (6) Good night (793) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I hate that cat.

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  (360): I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg. (360): I hate that cat. http://tfl.nu/6981
  Replies (5) Good night (619) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.

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  (908): I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season. http://tfl.nu/j0x5
  Replies (2) Good night (689) Bad night (314)

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