My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
