I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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