Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
