my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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