ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
