i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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