just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
