turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
