i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
