two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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