as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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