I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
