the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
