I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
