apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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