The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
