I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize