my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
