So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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