i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
