i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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