I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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