How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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