thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
