Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
