The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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