Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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