No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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