I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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