We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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