My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
