If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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