The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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