I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
