Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
