Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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