you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You can't motorboat a personality
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize