Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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